Music Flows through veins...

...and like blood can bleed out.

The only difference is that when you loose too much of the music, its your soul that dries up.

Or something to that effect.

more on this later.

Eclectia

Some of you have figured out that I listen to almost all types of music. The patterns shifting with my varied moods.

I've jumped from Ray Charles to James Taylor in the recent weeks and now have settled on punk/pop rock band My Chemical romance.

Some good stuff in their more recent works, I particularly like these 2.







My Chemical Romance Lyrics

Last min decisions

I've made plenty of rushed travel plans before.

Many a time I'd wake up in my apartment in Singapore, and the on a spur of the moment whim be found in indonesia, thailand, malaysia by lunch time.

It happened again... I was sitting at home, 6.30pm and completely exhausted.

Then it occurs to me that a long weekend should be spent travelling.

Rushed phone calls, 2 mins of packing (thank goodness for never finishing the unpacking!) and a mad dash taxi ride later, I'm on a 11 hr bus ride home for the long weekend.

I haven't slept that badly in a long time. But so far, its been worth it.

2046

... an unexpected depth found.

A trilogy unfolding across decades, glimpsed in flashes as i grew up.

And tonight, as I stumble on the final chapter.

And it stings, oh lord it stings.

2047 eh?

Lets hope it I make it.

Enough

Ok, i think i'm putting a short embargo on all writings military.

Its been 3 years, scars, wounds, memory holes aside, its time to move on for at least a bit.

Bring the rain...

Time passes but yet stands still when one is on guard duty.

This is even more relevant when the watch has no discernible end.

A memory with gaps and holes like a tattered cheese cloth does not help.

Occasionally the mind will drudge these depths and come up with an image, a scene, a conversation.

But that task is usually left for another... for now, only one stands.

Recent images of the sound of a GPMG thundering in the night, the burn of the acid oil of healing and the glare of the purple light are pushed aside.

Another has joined in the watch at least for now.

A greeting is muttered and the guard is raised again.

The company is sorely needed but both know that its only temporary.

That train has sailed has it not? crosses his mind as he paces in the night.

Leaving his sleeping friend in the company of the other, he disappears into the darkness to do his patrol round.

The night still stands, and at least tonight, it will not claim this one.

~~~

Soldiers as a rule, see things in an inevitable black and white. Kill or be killed.

It is a simple adage. If the man on the other end of this rifle is trying to kill you, what do you care of the complexity of his life or cause? The human tendency to learn & understand is trained to be caged whilst the fight or flight instinct takes over.

Thus in that microsecond, all the colours of the world cease, and all that remains is the black and white of survival... then you pull the trigger, over and over again.

You move, duck, take cover and scream orders at others who like you have just devolved into machines and numbers.

As all this occurs, you make projections, counting the number of rounds of have remaining, how long before you close the gap to the enemy kill-bot and if you run out of ammunition, how to terminate the other's existence before your own fragile flame is extinguished.

And within all this, there are only 2 things that matter, the white of survival or the darkness of the alternative.

As a peace time soldier, one can already feel the branding of the experience, being forever changed. What then of those for whom the war was real?

Having seen the glory or gory of the black/white duality at their local big screen, Boys, desk jockeys and pencil pushers will always attempt to relate, fascinate or compare to their glories grand and trails bested.

Climb your mountains, sail your boats and run your races.
Go home children all, and be glad that you have not lost what we have lost.
For it is a terrible thing to see and value life in only 2 colors.
So play with your toys and live your lives thinking yourselves men.
But never fail to bow your heads, to those have and still serve.
Your freedom isn't free, it was paid for by simple soldiers and broken men like me.

~~~
This one always pulls a heart string for me.

The soldier stood and faced his God Which must always come to pass...
He hoped his shoes were shining Just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward now, you soldier, How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?"
The soldier squared his shoulders and Said,"No, Lord, I guess I ain't...
Because those of us who carry guns Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays And at times my talk was tough,
And sometimes I've been violent, Because the streets are awfully tough.
But, I never took a penny That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime When the bills got just too steep,
And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear,
And sometimes, God forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place Among the people here...
They never wanted me around Except to calm their fears.
If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand,
I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand."
There was a silence all around the throne Where the saints had often trod...
As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God,
"Step forward now you soldier,
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

Duck and Cover

I was up briefly at 6am today!

It was a full on I'm awake and coherent and I wonder if I should go out and run kinda wake ups.

Of course when I went to open the door to the balcony (I was sleeping in the lounge what with the heat and all), it was already like an oven outside.

So i said bah, I'm going to catch another couple of hours of sleep.

and i returned to bed and snoozed.

in the following 2 hours, there was a kinda land war between my sleeping self and the rays of light that were blasting through the window (Which incidentally were as hot as laser beams).

When I finally woke up at about 5 to 8, I found that sleeping me had somehow burrowed behind a bunker made from pillow and blankets to shield my self from the super heated rays of light.

I stared incredulously and marveled at the resourcefulness of my sleeping self and then went on with my day.

Dear Lord, I still believe

I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, costs nothing to touch
War makes money, cancer sleeps
Curled up in my father and that means something to me
Churches and dictators, politics and papers
Everything crumbles sooner or later
But love, I believe in love

I believe in love, it's all we got
Love has no boundaries, no borders to cross
Love is simple, hate breeds
Those who think difference is the child of disease
Father and son make love and guns
Families together kill someone
Without love, I believe in love

Without love I wouldn't believe
In anything that lives and breathes
Without love I'd have no anger
I wouldn't believe in the right to stand here
Without love I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe in you
And I wouldn't believe in me
Without love

I believe in love
I believe in love
I believe in love

Blindsided

His tattered suit hanging from the hook in the diner, he closes the door and slumps into his chair.

Closing his weary eyes he wipes the grime off his face with his hand.

A glass is thrust at him, filled with golden heat.

He opens his eyes to see the soldier waving the bottle around

Figured you'd need a hand at this recovery business grunted the other

How'd you guess?

Its not hard really, any seasoned pro could see you let your guard down.

For good reason Boots, we were after all invited in for negotiations.

Well, guess who was right?

Silence as the seated man takes a long hard swallow.

So where do we go from here Soldier?

Why don't you just rest up first? We'll figure that out later

The man closes his eyes and falls asleep moments later.

2 down and one to go, thought the soldier to himself as he returned to his lonely vigil.

How many more times must we fall, before we reach that distant shore?

Its on the pod! - Queen - Under Pressure

This, this is music.

Fight the good fight, and care for the people on the edge of the night!

Queen - Under Pressure

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k.
It's the terror of knowing
What the world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.
Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

Of inches and whispers...

It is of great surprise to those that know me now, but I didn't always like beer. In fact, I detested it. Till late in my uni days I was a scotch man. minimum 12 years, single malt preferred please. And neat thank you, although on the rocks was acceptable on a hot day.

The love affair with beer is something that crept up on me. First the occasional one at parties to be polite. Then later for a cold refresher in my soldiering days, it was slowly introduced into the rotation of drinks.

Nowadays, it is the drink of choice, and I have learnt over time the subtle differences of the different brews and where to find the rarities that I enjoy.

An acquired taste indeed.

So it is when I discussed with a friend her cynicism towards love at first sight.

A self confessed romantic, I had initially sought to convince them that perhaps it was perhaps a series of unfortunate events that had caused them to get jaded.

But as I collected my thoughts and memories to criticize the thorn and to counter the cynic, all I dug up was a mirror.

And the memories and words of my own flood back,

"love at first sight does exist... only in that we fall in love with what we build in our minds. If the other so happens to fit the mold then you get the happy ever after. But more often then not, the reality and complexity of the other will outgrow the pale imitation in our minds. Forcing us to either to accept that the dream was but a dream & move into the reality of acceptance and compromise, or the alternative of separate paths."

Teebird, only we who have flew on the wings of Icarus will understand and understand I do, but your path lies another ways now and the way back will be barred and guarded and for all the sympathy I have, You will not pass.


But I digress.

So what of love? That vaunted word, one that I admit having lost the meaning of and still seek?

I believe that love is grown, that like the tiny acorn it inches slowly upwards. That it needs to be cultivated with effort and patient kindness intentional or otherwise.

Rome was not built in a day, nor do oaks grow overnight.So always be careful as you walk in the gardens of your mind, you never know when you'll trip over the bricks of a new city or the roots of a new tree.

Happy 2008!

A happy new year to you all!

And geez wasn't it a warm send off for 07?

I guess that it the before I start into 08's posts I should do a quick review of 07.

so here we go...

~

2007 was by all accounts an eventful year.
Here's a few high and lo lights

- I remember welcoming the year in in Zouk Singapore with Bo Grosso and others who love the drink.

- she stood by my side for the first part of the year being my strength as I was harried by situations from all sides. Eventual reflection on the fairness of the relationship and the illstate of my life balance made me make the hardest of choices for us to part ways so that we could grow as individuals.

- Mom & I returned to singapore in july to jointly purchase a private apartment, launching my foray into major investments.

- And then a few months later I answered an ad that simply read "project managers wanted Australia wide" that has led me to a new job and moving interstate.

- This 2nd stint of solo living (this time with more freedom and resources) has given me time and space to clear some of the head space that I needed to think through some issues that had comeup in life.

- Seeing all my friends and family for xmas and new years

- The sudden departure of Benji the dog from my life - Good bye buddy

- The unexpected start of "whatever this is"

- Fireworks with the boys at southgate

- Warm and fuzzy feelings inside (mmm... grunt)

Yes 07 was eventful, painful, joyful, blessed.

Thank you Lord for this path.

I commit 08 to you for your glory.